Weekend Safety Briefing: Have a good story, shitknuckleFebruary 15, 2013
Bring it in. Take a knee.
Meach, I need some Hello Dollies. Get to it.
This is a long weekend. On long weekends, you nose-picking mouth-breathers seem to forget you are in the service of the American taxpayer, drinking enough booze for three Muldoons and puking it back up the sidewalks, park benches, and police cars of this fair city.
I enjoy my weekends. I don't like you. If I have to pick you up from the lockup for some alcohol related offense, make sure it fits one of the following:
1. You retain accountability of all personnel and equipment.
2. A midget was somehow involved.
3. If it happened at a wedding, you were there as a guest or a crasher, but not as the groom.
4. No underage girls were involved.
5. The Sergeant Major's daughter was not involved.
6. If any photos exist, you are not in them.
If you fail in this, and I have to drag you back without a good story, I have the name and address of the most impressive land-manatee in town. I will tell her that you don't have to be anywhere until Tuesday morning, that you're recently single and lonely, and that you like surprises. She knows the deal, and she's a good sport. Meach says she makes an outstanding Denver omelet.
Don't be stupid. Don't put power tools in your mouth. Don't sniff glue.
Now get the hell out of my AO!